The British Accent: The Classic Solution

"I've had enough of this bloody school!" as opposed to "School is so boring!". "I got sacked the other day, but I had a party with my mates." as opposed to "I just got fired, but I partied with my homies". "That was a load of rubbish. He must be off his trolley!" as opposed to "That was b.s. He's crazy!". Which option most appeals you? Is it the first one, clearly more sophisticated and desirable? I think so. The I.Q. levels of the average student, and the average person, plummet after days and weeks of commonplace existence. The perfect way to break up this habitual boredom is a healthy dose of the British accent each day. This is a brilliant way to boost one's intelligence, laugh more frequently, and be more impressed, if not more impressive.

The British accent is just the ticket when one fancies a superior sound. There is a variety of devices that people who wish to sound brilliant can use, including the British accent, widely known as an accent that makes for its properties of intelligence. Research shows that it makes a person sound anywhere from 10% to 50% smarter, depending on how successful they are, and how many exclusively British words they include in their vocabulary. Imagine for a moment that two students were under interrogation, and they both had to answer the question, "Dearest pupils, Why ever do we have daylight savings time?" and one of the students responds with, "'Cause it gets darker faster, so, they like, I dunno, change it or something." The other student opens their mouth to emit the glorious sounds of the British accent with an answer that goes something like this: "We happen to have the fantastic invention of Daylight Savings Time for the purpose of ensuring that maximum daylight can be utilised when the majority of the population has arisen from their nightly slumber". Which student sounded smarter? Clearly the second one who was exhibiting his or her marvellous British accent. However, which one was actually smarter? It remains the latter, since they showcased their ability to think quickly, improvising on the spot, and were clever enough to use a British accent to boot. The British accent is, in fact, so wonderfully excellent that even the Queen herself has adopted it. Whenever she speaks, whatever she speaks, she sounds doubly impressive due to her royalty and her manner of speaking. Wouldn't you agree that it just seems fitting that the queen talk in such an impressive dialect? It is not an abnormal occurrence to see someone pretending they are the queen whilst exhibiting a such a wonderfully beautiful accent. She has become a figurehead and a well respected woman, but her accent is the attribute that most people remember and adore the most. It is classy, elegant, intelligent, humorous, endearing, and emulates awe. It was the best political move she ever made was to adopt this accent! There is another perk regarding intelligence when it comes to the British accent, which is that one is given the opportunity to expand their vocabulary. This is a fantastic and highly enjoyable aspect of speaking in a British accent. Many of their words are hilarious and refreshing after being bombarded with nothing but the plain words that are heard and said so many times they become typical. Some of these exclusively British words are 'rubbish' or 'nonsense' rather than 'baloney'. `Biscuit' to replace 'cookie', and 'crisps' instead of 'potato chips'. The more words one incorporates into one's British vocabulary, one is sure to sound more intelligent than their Canadian counterparts.

In addition to making one sound more intelligent, this accent makes a person sound funnier. In a dull situation, a sure-fire way to make some people laugh is starting to speak in a British accent. While the things one may say may not be very funny, the way in which one speaks makes it hilarious. According to the most recent survey on the issue, the British accent improves any joke as much as 70% if utilised to its full potential. With a success rate of well over 49%, who would refuse the opportunity to utilize the great resource of the English when their accent is such a terrific tool for procuring laughs? Picture this situation. There is an awkward silence in a group of acquaintances and someone begins to tell an uninteresting joke that receives a few half-hearted laughs from those attempting to exhibit some sort of decorum (which, assuredly, is a much simpler task when one is exhibiting the proper accent, but that is a story for another time). Anyway, there is a lad who is suddenly inspired to tell his equally uninteresting joke in the English lilt, which is received with much laughter. Let us analyse this situation for a moment. Why was the joke of the second lad received better than that of the first, even though the content was equally uninspiring? Because of the component we have not weighed into our analysis as of yet - the British accent! It made the ordinary joke of our second jester up to 30% funnier, whereas if that person applied the accent wittily to a British joke, then he may have won up to 70% more admiration for the words he uttered! The British accent is funny, which is something everyone who has experience with it can attest to. Comedians, mainly in the U.K., have picked up the hint and have begun a long-standing tradition of doing their routines in a British accent. In fact, as extra practice, they even live out their ordinary (or perhaps not ordinary) lives in this dialect. It has served them well, as they get laughs out of people at nearly every venue they go to. Common schoolboys in our own country of Canada have now, either consciously or unconsciously, caught wind of this, and, from time to time joke around in the accent of the British. Although their comedic words and their applause were not recorded for the purpose of this essay, it is obvious that they would have obtained good results. Similarly to the way that British vocabulary, in addition to the accent, can increase the potential for one to sound smart, one can boost their British comedy with some British references. For example, quoting a British film or novel would be a novel idea. The widely known Narnia or Harry Potter series would be a good place to start, and inspiration will surely sprout as a result of successful attempts.

How can something be so amazingly versatile as to be able to make one sound both smarter and funnier? The only answer to that question is to implore the reader of this essay to understand that it is because the British accent is so inherently impressive. People have no choice but to be impressed by this phenomenon of intellectual and comedic brilliance. This just proves the point that the British accent has the ability to make many things so much better. The next time you are stuck having to answer a question that simply eludes you, or lighten the mood at a gathering of grim faces and long pauses, you should consider the British accent to aid your endeavours. If you ever have a difficult time of remembering this advice, these illustrious metaphors will help you out. A British accent is like an old friend, who is there whenever you need help. A British accent is a clear mountain stream, and an American accent is a stream that has been greatly narrowed and polluted due to garbage. And, finally, a regular American accent is like a cup of water, and a British accent is like tea, more sophisticated, and with far more flavour.